We recently spent some time discussing Courageous Conversations™ and looking at what elements are involved in the process. One essential aspect of this conversation is the family meeting. The family meeting is an opportunity for you to create a roadmap for you and your loved ones so everyone can move forward if and when a crisis occurs. It’s a chance to be educated about important issues facing your family so you can take action. Wouldn’t you rather have the peace of mind that all the details are in place so you aren’t forced to make vital decisions from a bed in the ICU?
Follow these steps to walk forward with confidence:
Step 1: myIntention™
What is it you want to BE as a result of this process? If you are clear about your intentions, you will stay focused on your path toward family harmony through the process, at the end of the process and at the execution of it.
Take some time to create an intention statement, such as, “I intend to be well planned for my future and comfortably communicate important issues with my family.” What this means to you is that by engaging in a process focused on sharing your hopes and dreams, increasing family communication and familial expectations, you position yourself to make smart decisions for you and those you care about.
Step 2: myResource Inventory™
A resource inventory will be a priceless benefit to your family when they have to pick up the pieces down the road. Everplans is a life and legacy storage platform that will securely keep track of all of your resources and important documents. To see if Everplans will work for you, take a look at this introductory video. Another creative resource is a document created by Bob Mauterstock called LifeFolio, which will help you capture assets, liabilities, insurances, income sources, gifts, and obligations.
In addition to your physical resources, don’t forget to inventory your important contacts as well, such as your electrician, auto mechanic, insurance agents, human resource director, and trusted friends.
Step 3: myWishes™
There are three powerful documents that you need in order to convey your wishes and put your personal touch on your will and estate planning.
Personalized Healthcare Directive
When you embark on your journey of creating your own meaningful Healthcare Directive, don’t be intimidated by how challenging and emotional it can be. Take full advantage of the various resources available to you to guide you on your way.
Check out Anne Elizabeth Denny’s coaching and planning process and take the time to read her book, My Voice, My Choice, to dive deeper into the details of end-of-life healthcare preferences. If you would like to outline your top five wishes for your end-of-life care, make use of the resources from Aging With Dignity. Finally, while not a legal document, Good End of Life may help you start brainstorming about your end-of-life concerns.
Ethical Will
An ethical will is an opportunity for you to share with your loved ones some of your own values and beliefs and some life lessons you would like to share with them. The history of the ethical will dates back hundreds of years when Jewish fathers left written instructions to their sons for leading a meaningful, ethical life. Keep your eye out for another blog post which will deal specifically with this topic.
Letter To Your Loved Ones
There’s an ancient saying, ”Verba volant, scripta manent” which translates to “Words fly away, what’s written remains.” Once you are gone, your words will have great gravity and meaning for your loved ones.
What this means is that even though you may have told your family members, “I love you” on numerous occasions, myLove Letter™ is a further attempt to let them know how important they are to you, how proud you are of them, impart words of wisdom, courage, advice, and thanks that they can hold onto for their remaining years.
What words would you like to remain with those you care about?
Step 4: myCourageous Conversations™
We’ve already briefly described what a Courageous Conversation™ is and will be diving into this topic in a more in-depth manner in an upcoming post. In short, this step involves having thorough and organized discussions about critical topics that will be meaningful to your family.
Step 5: myFamilyMeeting™ Progress Monitor
In order to ensure that you stick to your plan and follow through on particular items, you need to create a progress monitor. You do this by creating policy-based statements to backup the important elements of your family meeting conversations and then score them based on completion.
For example, let’s assume your estate plan policy-based goal states it is up to date, accurately reflects your wishes, includes the trusted people you’ve named to carry it out, and is reviewed annually. If that is actually the case, you can give yourself a score of 10. If it’s missing two of those elements, you may only give yourself a score of 5.
The progress monitor will include other policy-based statements to help you stay on track with the items already accomplished and provide a bar chart visual for the items that still require attention.
It’s Worth It!
Preparing for and holding your family meeting may seem like a daunting task with the effort it requires to get organized and with the vulnerability you may feel discussing topics you, or you and your spouse may have kept to yourselves over the years. When broaching these topics with your loved ones, remember that they may stir up intense emotions. You would be wise to set some basic ground rules, such as understanding that all participants have something valuable to say, that everyone is given the opportunity to speak without interruption, and that all decisions are reached through compromise and sensitivity.
When it’s all said and done, you will probably look back and be incredibly grateful that you took this brave step. The end result of your family meeting will be increased confidence and peace of mind that your personal and family wishes will be carried out just the way you would have liked had you been in control all along...because you were! Your family meeting will equip your loved ones with a thoughtful plan of action, where, at the end of the day, grieving family members can confidently say, “This is just what mom/dad would have wanted.”
We would love to walk you through the process and help you with any questions or hiccups along the way. Give us a call today at 715-241-6763 or e-mail info@myfamilycfo.net.
About Patrick Bradley
Patrick Bradley is a financial consultant with more than 30 years of experience specializing in risk management, legacy planning and business continuity strategies. His commitment to helping others extends beyond his work and into his community where he is actively involved with multiple organizations. Learn more by visiting www.myFamilyCFO.net or connecting with Patrick on LinkedIn.