Think about all the time we spend preparing for life’s milestone transitions like the birth of our child, the first day of school, prom, high school graduation, college selection and graduation, marriage, buying a house, retirement, and numerous family adventures and memories throughout the years. But most of us spend minimal time preparing for the significant transitions of aging, end of life care, and dying. It’s understandable. It’s much more exciting to plan for your child’s college years than to map out the end of your life, but the benefits of doing so are priceless.
What Are Courageous Conversations™?
With meaningful discussions, what I call Courageous Conversations™, you could avoid family strife, a prolonged death, and a confused and bewildered widow(er). You stand to gain family harmony, a peaceful death, and a confident widow(er) because these life transition events have been discussed and rehearsed.
These conversations create a roadmap so that when the inevitable occurs, you and your family are not traveling through foreign territory in a time of shock and grief.
I have yet to have my own Courageous Conversation™ with my family and am just now embarking on this journey. I’d like to let you in on the process so you can start thinking about your own Courageous Conversation™ with your loved ones. The real benefit will be peace of mind, knowing you are starting to assemble the puzzle for your end of life planning as a result of your family’s meaningful dialogue.
What steps do you need to take to start the Courageous Conversation™ process?
1. Get Organized
You need to get all your ducks in a row before starting the conversation. Have all the details and paperwork available and mentally prepare for the tasks that need to be completed. Here’s how:
- My online platforms, “myDashboard” and “myGood-End-Of-Life-Plan” found at www.myFamilyCFO.net are excellent sources for organization.
- Fill out your File of Life card. In an emergency, this handy tool helps communicate an accurate medical history, list of medications, existing conditions, and allergies in less than ten critical seconds.
- Start preparing for the conversation. Take the time to watch the documentary Consider the Conversation and check out The Conversation Project for helpful ideas.
- Complete your own written Healthcare Directives, also known as Advance Directives. Unfortunately, many free online resources don’t thoroughly cover this critical issue. Aging With Dignity provides a resource called “Five Wishes” that may be helpful. A valuable paid service, Plan Well Finish Well, offers a complete blueprint for writing truly meaningful Healthcare Directives.
When your Healthcare Directive is communicated and executed, you will be more confident knowing that your Healthcare Agent and Alternates will have clear direction and instructions of the care you desire as well as the care you choose not to accept.
2. Recruit Your Family Ambassador
Your family ambassador is usually your “alpha child,” your son or daughter who the other siblings look up to and listen to. Your ambassador will be the one to gather every family member for the meeting and communicate its importance.
3. Conduct The Meeting
It’s a wise idea to consider an outside facilitator for this gathering. Because you are dealing with sensitive and emotional issues, you may want to include a close family friend or trusted advisor to keep everyone on track.
Here are some topics to cover in the meeting:
- Your legacy. How do you want to be remembered by your children and grandchildren? What would you include in your love letter to your children?
- Legal issues. Map out the necessary roles in carrying out your estate plan, such as executor, trustee(s), powers of attorney for healthcare and finances, and beneficiaries. Share your Healthcare Directives so those you care about and who care about you are informed of your wishes.
- Finances. Your kids will want to know if you will be taken care of financially or if they will need to help out. They will need to know if you can stay in your home for care, how the care will be paid for, who will provide the care, and what will happen with your home and any other property. Don’t leave your children with the stress of taking care of these details when the time comes.
- Your elder care team. Discuss everyone who needs to be involved in the process, such as:
- Elder law attorney
- Geriatric care manager
- Long-term care specialist
- Real estate specialist
- Family physician and other medical specialists
4. Follow Up
Once you’ve had your initial meeting where you started the conversation and laid everything on the table, set another meeting to discuss agenda items that require follow-up. Make sure each family member understands what they are responsible for and has what they need to do their part. Make it a plan to have an annual family meeting to continue the Courageous Conversation™.
No one said that planning for the end of your life would be easy, but it’s vital to start putting the pieces together. Don’t put it off any longer. Make it a priority on your schedule and to-do list! Personally, conducting my first family meeting is one of my top second quarter goals for 2017. To help you along this path, I have created a Courageous Conversations™ Scorecard to help you discover where you are on the Courageous Conversations™ continuum. Your score will show you the areas where you are doing well and where you might need a little encouragement. Once you’ve completed it, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Give us a call today at 715-241-6763 or e-mail info@myfamilycfo.net.
*Note: My friend Robert (Bob) Mauterstock, CFP®, has written a few books on this topic which can be found on Amazon. He can also be reached at his website, Gift Of Communication, where you will find plenty of resources, including his “Lifefolio System” to help you get organized.
About Patrick Bradley
Patrick Bradley is a financial consultant with more than 30 years of experience specializing in risk management, legacy planning and business continuity strategies. His commitment to helping others extends beyond his work and into his community where he is actively involved with multiple organizations. Learn more by visiting www.myFamilyCFO.net or connecting with Patrick on LinkedIn.