As I understand , Ethical Will’s originated as a Jewish custom of parents leaving a written spiritual legacy for one’s family, many times with instructions of how to live a meaningful and ethical life.
Think of an Ethical Will as “a container for meaningful, enduring communication to express your intangible wealth. It’s a personal letter or recording for people who are important to you, meant to live beyond you as part of the record of your values and your life” states Susan Turnbull from Personal Legacy Advisors, LLC, author of “The Wealth of Your Life,” a guide to writing your own Ethical Will.
By sharing what is important to you and hopefully helpful and valuable to your family, you are able to leave some of you behind for them. I think this is particularly intriguing as a great majority state family stories and histories are the most important part of their inheritance.
Types of Ethical Wills
There is an ancient saying “Verba volant, scripta manent” which translates into “Spoken words fly away. Written words remain.” Most Ethical Wills are written, anywhere from a single paragraph to a one page document. Less frequent is a short notebook or journal, followed by a recording, video, scrapbook or PowerPoint presentation. Whatever the form, I encourage you to consider writing (and sharing with your family, now) your own Ethical Will. Your words will have great meaning to those you care about.
Themes
Ethical Wills take on the flavor of what you want your family to know and understand vs the traditional Will to communicate what it is you want them to have. This is also what is known as the difference between Emotional Wealth and Physical Wealth. It’s also an opportunity to think about what you want to pass on in the broadest sense of the word.
Some Ethical Wills take on themes of life’s lessons learned…what have you learned that you want them to know? Other themes may include:
- Your favorite things (books, hobbies, quotes),
- Your professional life (best/worst job, reason you chose your career, if you had it to do over again you would have become a _____ and here is why),
- Your experiences (what are you most proud of, most grateful for? I would like to offer forgiveness to/ask forgiveness from___. Events that had the greatest impact on your life were___),
- Your beliefs and values (your most fundamental belief(s), most valued traditions, causes),
- Your hopes for the future (values you hope to pass on, wishes for your children/grandchildren, mistakes to avoid, opportunities to look for).
Examples
A Jewish father’s instruction to his son, allegedly written in the 1200’s:
“Go to bed without supper and rise without debt.
Let they expenditure be well ordered.
Defile not the honor of thy accountance by borrowing.
May thy Creator save thee from that habit.”
I could have benefited from such words of wisdom and I am sure what you and I may have to share via an Ethical Will would be meaningful to our families as well!
Here is a short and sweet one, bullet points included:
- “You need to kick off the sheets!
- Busy is good.
- No one has a lock on a way to do something.
- There is value somewhere in everyone.
- A joke is almost always in order.”
This passage was written for some children, upon reaching age 25, when they received the first distribution from a family trust. It is a wonderful testament tying together money and life’s purpose:
“What we ultimately want to pass on to you is far greater than financial advantage, but a deep appreciation of the collective history and values that you carry in your bones. This is your true wealth. The most important matter is not how you got your money or how you’re going to spend it. It is how you are going to spend your lives and what kind of people you are going to be.”
And from there, the parents share stories of what they had learned from their parents and grandparents.
This example, from a mother to her daughter, is one of the most sincere expressions of love and appreciation I have ever read:
“I fully expect that I will live for a very long time to see you well into adulthood and share the future with you. There is so much to look forward to and I plan on being part of all the adventures and all the challenges and all the joys, but if for some reason I am not, the most important thing you need to know is how much my love for you created the person you will remember as me. I made you quite literally in my womb, but you made me too.”
Here is a passage from a father’s message to his 3 children when they turned 18:
“Everything has its ebbs and flows, cycles, ups and downs…biology, business, friendships, marriages, cities, countries, everything naturally occurring.
And sometimes when things are not quite the way I like them to be, it’s reassuring to remember this idea and not to jump in and try to force things to change.”
Resources
I offer three resources for you.
1. I’ve already mentioned Susan Turnbull, from Personal Legacy Advisors, LLC. www.personallegacyadvisors.com. Her website has many resources and she offers her services as an Ethical Will Coach to help you write, edit or produce videos.
2. An Ethical Will worksheet to help you formulate your thoughts:
https://www.everplans.com/tools-and-resources/ethical-will-worksheet.
You will also find a helpful article “How to Write an Ethical Will.”
3. myFamilyCFO, Inc. www.myFamilyCFO.net. We stand ready to serve as a valuable resource to help you communicate what is important to you with those that are important to you.
Reasons to consider writing your Ethical Will
- “Verba volant, scripta manent.” While I have very fond memories of my parents, both deceased, I would certainly cherish their written words of advice, lessons learned and words of wisdom. I can only think that ours (yours and mine) would value that too. Let’s get on with it, shall we?
- Research shows that knowing family stories and history contributes to family emotional and physical health. Whether it’s a few bullet point statements, a paragraph, letter, video or recording…this “emotional asset class” could have the highest return for your family.
- Creating an Ethical Will inspires “what do I have to give in my head and in my heart” in addition to financial assets. This may also serve you and your advisors well by helping you clarify your most important hopes, dreams, fears, goals and objectives prior to embarking on a particular strategy.
- By taking a 30,000 foot view, adding a theme that suits you, your non-binding words to share with those you love can be a work in progress during your life. And, if shared during your life, it will certainly be a catalyst for conversation, an opportunity for healthy family dialogue.
This is not an easy exercise, but a valuable one. I am reminded of a quote by Dan Sullivan, co-founder of The Strategic Coach, a life coaching program for highly successful entrepreneurs: “Progress, not perfection!”
Your Ethical Will could be your prescription based on your own experiences for living a righteous life.
What is it you would like your loved ones to know and understand?
Good Luck! If you feel I may be of any assistance I welcome the opportunity. I would love to walk you through the process and help you with any questions or hiccups along the way. Give us a call today at 715-241-6763 or e-mail info@myfamilycfo.net.
About Patrick Bradley
Patrick Bradley is a financial consultant with more than 30 years of experience specializing in risk management, legacy planning and business continuity strategies. His commitment to helping others extends beyond his work and into his community where he is actively involved with multiple organizations. Learn more by visiting www.myFamilyCFO.net or connecting with Patrick on LinkedIn.